Who will they love?
by DirtyEXmistress
Summary: this is my first fan fiction. A MeredithDerekAddison that takes place after santa got run over by a reindeer. Who will end up together in the end? find out! ch 9, ch 9!
1. Drugs can't heal the pain

This is right after Derek told Addison he still loved Meredith

I don't own grey's anatomy… as you all might've guessed!

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Addison didn't know what to say. For that matter, she didn't know how to react. _He still loves her? _ she thought, _of course he does! He always has and always will. How did I ever think I could change it?_

"I don't understand," she managed to say. "How-Why-What-You- Me- Meredith?". She was at a lost for words. "Why'd you pick me then Derek?"

He had to think about that. Why did he pick her. Did he truly love her? Yes. No. He didn't know? Was it love or obligation that caused him to not sign those papers? "I-I don't know addy, I'm sorry I don't have an answer."

"Well that's too bad honey, because until you have an answer, I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to be your charity case. 'Oh look at Derek. He stayed with poor Addy to make her feel good about herself'. Derek, I've had that pathetic chatter told to me since the day you left me in Manhattan. If you don't love me, FINE! But don't leave me here hanging on a thread. Either cut me loose or love me like before. As far as I', concerned sweetie pie, there IS no us if you love another woman!" Addison stormed out of Joe's and headed to her car. She set the dial to her radio to the Christmas station. Melodies of holiday spirit filled the car, but her joyous attitude was long gone. She laid her head on the steering wheel as tears soaked the Italian leather.

Derek was just shocked. He didn't expect that reaction out of her. How could he not though. Sure, woman are emotional, but telling your wife that you love another? That's hard. Should he go to her house and beg forgiveness? He got up from his seat and headed for the door. If he were in her shoes, he'd be a mess too. What had he done?

When he reached for the door knob to open it, someone else had already done so. "Sorry," she said, as she dodged her way around him. "It's ok," he replied. As the young woman walked by, he noticed something familiar about her. The way she walked with a slight bounce in each step. The way her hair swayed back and forth when it was pulled back in a loose pony tail. And her scent. The fragrance she emitted through the door way was of roses. He turned around to watch her step up to the bar and order a drink. He was right. He knew this girl. Meredith. He had forgotten what he was going to do and sat at a booth to watch her as she took a drink. And that's when trouble started. A man in his 20s came up to the bar and occupied the seat next to his Mer. It looked as if he was buying her a drink. Her choice drink: Tequila. Derek couldn't take it anymore. He rose from his seat to give this man a piece of his mind. _There is NO way I am letting this guy take her to her house drunk. I don't want her to get hurt!_ But then he stopped. He realized he had picked Addison, not Meredith. She wasn't his girlfriend anymore. She was over him. But was he over her?

Addison was still in her car waiting. Waiting for what? She couldn't tell. Was is for Derek? Was it for any reason? What was she still doing in the bar parking lot. Then her pager went off. _911 SGH. _She was on call, and know she had to go back after one of the most traumatizing events ever in her life. _What could be so important that I'd be needed._ What she didn't realize was how serious it really was.

"Dr. Shepard!" Bailey screamed as she saw her rush through the glass doors. "Oh please come quick! We have a pregnant patient who is bleeding out. The mother is an abuser of drugs. There is a major risk of the infant getting SIDS disease and dying. HURRY!" Addison rushed into the OR and scrubbed into the surgery. She was able to save the baby, but she had to take it out of the womb 1 month early-making it a pre-mature. She was put in a special room for further monitoring. As for the mother, Dr. Sheppard had a little talk with her.

"Mrs. Morrison," She started. " Go away, all of you! Stop looking at me! Leave me alone. I said stop it!". Mrs. Morrison had been abusing for 3 months and she was already showing signs of major paranoia. "Mrs. Morrison! It's ok, I'm your doctor. I have to talk to you about your son." "SON! WHAT SON! I don't have a child. I don't want a child. Just kill the little twerp so I can get on with my life!" She reached into her knapsack and pulled out a piece of white rock and began sniffing it. "Mrs. Morrison! You can't use that in a hospital! Please let me help you. I want you to listen to me. Put it down!". Mrs. Morrison looked up at the pleading doctor. "I don't HAVE to do what you want. Just because it's a holiday doesn't make ME have to do what's considered right and listen to you. NOBODY understands what I'm going through. NOBODY!" She let out tears and began throwing the lamp at the walls. Addison let out some screams as the psyche ward came in and calmed her down. Once cooled off, she got a talk. "Mrs. Morrison, please tell me what's wrong. It says on your records that you were a happy and successful lawyer. What went wrong?" " A pair of tan, skinny legs, a boob job, and a mini-skirt. THAT'S WHAT! As soon as this younger, fresher tramp comes along, he just LEAVES ME. TO ROT. TO CARRY OUR BABY. TO SUFFER. I couldn't live alone. I lived in the city, and drugs come cheap there, so I tried it. It made me feel…. Great." "Mrs. Morrison," Addison explained. "We can get you help. You don't have to live like this. You can keep your baby and live a drug free life!" "And you make it sound so simple. My baby, he's hurt. I hurt him. But some times, I don't care what I did. It depends on my mood. Why? I don't know… all I know is my life was a wreck as soon as my husband walked out on me." More tears soaked the already wet cheeks on her face. She was crushed. A man she loved ruined her life. Addison reached over for her hand and just let her know that _someone_ was there. The two had a similar feat. Both had husbands that fell in love with another woman. The difference was that he left her. But would Derek do the same? A few dripping tears fell from Addison's eyes as she and Mrs. Morrison mourned in their common grief.

-this is my first fanfic… so how'd I do? Should I just quit while I can or continue? It's up to you! Thanks to all of those who read it… please review!

(ps- I am not a whiz in the medical field(as you can tell) but I did do a project on the effects of drugs… hence the diagnosis of Mrs. Morrison).


	2. Fantasy Night

Thanks for those reviews…..I may consider what one of the reviewers requested….not sure yet… anyways… here we go again! ENJOY! (p.s. I wanted to get the chapter up quick… so its short… really short….)

Derek left the bar in defeat. He couldn't talk to Meredith anymore. He wasn't hers and she wasn't his. It hurt to think that a woman he truly loved was just gone-like that. Life flashed before his eyes, so painfully that he never wanted to see again. But life goes on. It has to, right? Right! Right……

Derek got into his car and rushed back to his trailer. He needed a beer, but not from the bar. He couldn't stay in the bar anymore. As he opened the door to his trailer, he noticed that his lights were on. Either he left them on… or their was a robber in the house. But why on earth would a robber steal from a trailer? Come on! How about a mansion, moron! Derek entered the mobile home with caution, and carefully opened the door to his bedroom. "Boo!" Derek jumped. It was just Addison. _Wait, it was Addison! Why would she even want to see me, let alone talk to me, after what I said._ "Addy, why are you here?" "I came to tell you, I forgive you…" she looked up at Derek with those puppy dog eyes of hers that attracted him to her in the first place. He couldn't stop looking at her. She was-amazing. The best thing that had happened to him since-ever. He plopped himself next to her on the mattress. "Well," Addison said. Her eyes wandered up and down Derek's body and towards the bed. "What shall we do next?" _No sleep tonight_ Derek thought as he spent the night in Addison's arms.

When the two awoke, their faces were dripping with sweat. Derek got up and began to take a shower while Addison heated up some coffee. "You always did love my coffee, Derek," Addison said as she watched him eagerly sip his brewed cup. After their morning breakfast-if you could call coffee a breakfast- they drove in Derek's car to Seattle Grace. "Morning Shepards," said Chief Webber as he entered the empty elevator with the couple. "how'd you sleep?" "Better than you can imagine…" Addison reminisced. Derek was filled with pleasure, but also guilt. He knew he had picked his wife, and he was happy-right?- _Not know Derek _he thought _Don't argue with yourself right now. You had an amazing night WITHOUT Meredith… besides…. She has moved on…. SO WILL YOU! _ If only it was that easy though, because as soon as the elevator hit level 2, guess who happened to walk in that elevator.

"Morning Doctor Grey," said the Chief. As he stepped out of the elevator, he abruptly turned around and said "Oh- Addy- I need you to get off here with me. I have some charts to review with you about Mrs. Morrison before she is allowed off the premises."

Addison was a little uneasy about leaving Derek here with Meredith-the one and only, the one he said he still loved, her. She glanced over at her love. He gave her a nod to let her know it was OK to leave him alone. She laughed to herself as she exited the elevator with the Chief.

told you it was short! Sorry about that by the way. The next chapter will be about Mer/Der in the elevator… what will happen…. Who knows!

I'll TRY 2 update soon


	3. Going up!

I was COMPLETELY TORN on how I should write this chapter… so sorry if it doesn't meet your standards…. But lets not be bias in our reviews…… anyway… I went with my instinct on how it should go.

"So…" Meredith began. She was still a little defeated from her last encounter in the elevator with Derek. Should she make another attempt or just wait until the number 3 lights up and exit the elevator. These next few moments were going to be awkward…. And she knew it.

"How have you been?" Derek asked. Small talk was not a strong suit for him.

"Alright…." Meredith managed. "I-I mean great- super even." She was trying SO hard to forget about her and him ever getting back together. Was she really THAT pathetic. To go back with a guy that A. lied to her about his wife B. lied to her friend, George, that he would never hurt her C. end up hurting her and picking his wife and D. refusing to do anything in the elevator that faithful night (author's note: hey we ALL know she wanted something to happen…)

Derek knew she was nervous about being alone in the elevator together. Their history in elevators were nothing but…. Interesting…. To put it in appropriate terms. He remembered those days. Especially that one time. Oh how he loved it. Out of the blue, this intern that he lov- had feelings for just made out with him in the elevator, completely dropping all her carefully organized boards. But wait! He did love her. He admitted to Addy he did. But did he? The elevator numbers were quickly trickling up to level 3- where the intern lockers were and where he knew Mer would be exiting. Should he? Would he?

Ding. Level 1. They had gone up 1 since the lobby. He knew he had to think quick. Or else….or else…or else what? He didn't know! He was a confused soul trying to find true love. He found it in Addy a long time ago. Just recently, he found it in sweet Meredith. But whose was more important? A person to whom he was wed or a new woman he just met? A cheater or a sincerity person?

Ding. Level 2. Meredith couldn't bear being in this elevator. "I-CAN'T-TAKE-IT!" she yelled. She faced Derek towards her and began to tell him…. Everything. "I know I said this before…. And I probably have shown SO many… too many… signs of this over the past weeks… but…. I just can't stand this Derek. You and her- together. And me, alone, screwing over half of the eligible bachelors in Seattle. And for what? To get over being screwed? I told you that one night that it wasn't enough. That you saying I saved you from drowning. The truth was… It didn't matter what happened. I knew eventually I would give in…. like I did when you wanted me to date you. I WAS READY! I was willing to take you back…. And what did you do…. Leave me? Derek… you aren't you with her around… you are mellow… and quite frankly pathetic to look at. You try to be close with her and you try all you can to make it seem like its working… but EVERYONE knows its not. Trust me…. Its not just me. The chief is even concerned for his #1 couple. He moved Addison out here to help… yet it hasn't, has it?"

Meredith took some breaths of relief. She used every ounce of energy her little body could to force out those painful words. But the thing was, she meant it all. Everything was from the bottom of her heart. But mostly, she said it to once again win him over. She mentally beat up on herself for that. _STUPID! _She thought _I made myself sound so…. So like an evil mistress-AGAIN! God…. How could be so dumb as to think he would actually pick me, chose me, love me- OVER HER! That red-headed, Manhattan, model-type woman! How did I think I had a chance after she came back…. Its stupid stupidity… that's what!_

But she had to speak again. She wasn't done yet. "I'll say it again, Derek…. I mis-". At that point the alarm went off. The elevator stopped cold in its tracks. Meredith was scared. She wasn't sure what was going on. She knew she'd be late for rounds… that's for sure… but what was going on?

_Step 1 accomplished_ Derek thought as he moved his hand off the alarm button. Why he pulled it? Instinct? Heart? Mind? Did it matter?

Meredith turned around and saw Derek with one of his award winning smiles. _That jerk!_ She thought, mostly in a joking matter. _I'll be late! Why'd he do that? Does he…will he? Please God please God Oh please let this mean-_

"I'll finish what you were saying, Meredith," Derek said. He grabbed Meredith by the waist and gently pinned her against the wall of the elevator. "I miss you." And with that, they were entranced in the longest, most passionate kiss they had ever endured. He loved her. She loved him. The world was right. At first Meredith just stood there, making no movement. She was in shock that he was kissing her. But then she added to the drama, slowly pressing their lips against one another.

Meredith separated them and in a breath she managed to say, "You took the words right out of my mouth." And with a smile from each of them, they continued with their elevator frenzy, neither one noticing the time.

What can I say?... I am a Mer/Der die heart fan… sorry to those of you who wanted a Der/Addison fic… but I secretly want her off the show.. sorry again… but still read on… because you may want to know how Derek is gonna tell Addison-if he does-and how Addison could react-negative or positive. How could it be positive? Wait and see……


	4. Gone Missing

Ok… so I was under the weather for a few days..but I'm b-b-b-BACK!...lol…. anyway… we ended off with a very good mer/der elevator scene! Now… what will happen next?

"OK! O'malley, you and Christina are on pit-duty for the day… no complaining!" The Nazi was in a very bad mood today… The pregnancy mood-swings were ROARING today! "Stevens, go help the female Sheppard…. The charts on Mrs. Morrison have shown some major damage to the uterus. Plus, the baby is showing some complications in the I.C.U. Alex… I need you to scrub in on OR 2….an accident on the freeway has a 40-year-old man in surgery with shattering ribs. And Grey….I am sorry but you have to meet with male Sheppard on a consult in room 154A…. let's move people!"

All the interns were scrambling to their jobs-except for one. "O'Malley," Bailey started, "Where is Grey?" George looked around. She WAS at the house in the morning. He was scared for her. _Where was she?_ "I-I don't know, Dr. Bailey," he replied, trying to keep his cool. And, with one, get-to-work-NOW glance from the Nazi, George quickly hurried out of the locker room. "Off to find Meredith," she said, slowly shuffling down the hall to get to the bottom of this.

"Morning Dr. Stevens!" Addison exclaimed as she saw Izzie step through the doors to the I.C.U. Izzie had a feeling that she and McDreamy must've had a FUN night for her to be this cheery and bright. But then her face turned to stone as she looked at the baby's chart. "Mrs. Morrison's baby needs to get into surgery- immediately! Hurry, Stevens!"

Bailey walked all over the surgical wing. Meredith was NOWHERE! It had been at least 30 minuets since anyone last spotted her. Bailey was panicked. Not only had she lost a surgeon, but there was a patient in room 154A that had been up there for 30 minuets-waiting. Doctors are known for keeping their patients waiting. But for 30 minuets? No!

Bailey had no choice but to go to the chief.

"Chief," Bailey yelled as she entered his office. "Meredith Grey, she's missing."

_Meanwhile in the elevator:_

While it was true that they were in the elevator for long, it wasn't just kissing they were doing. They talked, about memories, their lives alone and apart. Also, they spent most of the time starring into each others eyes. The alarm buzzer was going off like crazy, but the two of them could only hear the beating of their hearts as they beat in unison. Two bad for them, because they both were assigned to the same room… and if neither of them were there….

"What do you mean you lost her?" questioned Dr. Webber. "Bailey, if you lost an intern…" "No, chief," said Bailey. "She is in this hospital. Izzie reassured me that she came to the hospital with her and George. They opted to take the stairs, but George claims he saw her take the elevator because she felt weak. And then they didn't see her after that. Not in the locker rooms, not in the halls, not in the on-call rooms-nowhere!" "That's strange," Chief thought out loud. Snapping back into reality, he rushed towards room 154A… only to find that Derek wasn't their either. "Oh no…" he said. Bailey, who had followed after him, was confused. Then she caught on. "The two of them…. In the elevator…. I took Addison with me….. but they were alone! Not good, not good!" The Chief and Bailey rushed to find George.

"I think she took elevator 3," answered George. He was being questioned and he didn't like it. But he wanted to find Meredith. Her being lost made him very frightened.

The Chief quickly hurried down to the controls room. He looked for the intercom for elevator three and spoke to them.

_In the elevator: _

"What does this mean, Derek?" Meredith asked. Derek put his head down. He wanted to tell her he couldn't live without her and that he was going to sign those papers and get her out of Seattle. But a part of him felt sad. Sad he had cheated on his wife. Sad he was torn between two women, one of which he loved and on whom was his betrothed. Just sad.

"Mer-I-" Derek began before he was cut off by the intercom. _Dr. Sheppard! This is the Chief! If you are in there please respond immediately! NO JOKE! _Derek looked at the intercom button. Then back to Meredith. Still defeated from getting no real response from Derek, Meredith said, "Derek, you have to answer him. They can't be scared that you've gone missing. I don't want you to leave here, but you must." Derek nodded and hit the button. "Chief I am here." _Is Dr. Grey there?_ Meredith went cold. She knew Bailey must've been looking for her, but how did they know she was in there two? _Derek- ANSWER! _ "I'm here, Chief," said Meredith. _Alright-get this elevator moving and report to my office immediately! I'll have Bailey take over your consult._

The elevator resumed its upward motion as Derek and Meredith looked in one anothers eyes. Yet this time, It was not only for love, but for panic….

OOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO….. what is gonna happen with the Chief!

R&R por favor!


	5. Fact or Fiction?

Ok…. Here we go… chapter 5….. The Chief knows! Also, Izzie and Addy are in surgery… that's where we'll begin.

Dr. Addison Sheppard proceeded to massage the heart for a heart beat. Still no pulse. It was a flat line on the screen. They had tried. They had failed. "Great…" Izzie mumbled. "I've lost two babies within a month!". "What was that Dr. Stevens?" Addison had heard what she said. She just wanted to hear Izzie tell her to her face. Izzie grimly responded. " It's just….. how is it always ME! I love this field in the medical world, yet I have already lost 2 of my patients. It doesn't matter if the first baby, Emily, was destined to die, the fact is she died on my watch! I lost them. You say not to be attached to the patients… but I can't help it. These people ARE people. I can't NOT bond with them and pretend everything is just business and my whole purpose in life is just to cut open person by person like slabs of meat!" Izzie wasn't truly this emotional over the babies. She was sad about the Alex situation. He slept with Olivia when he wouldn't even sleep with her. "Dr. Stevens, take a breath, please! Obviously there is more that is wrong but you are going to have to suck it up! Go to the nurses desk for another assignment. We're done here."

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Addison headed towards the Chief's office to inform him on the death. But he wasn't there. Someone told her he had gone to the intern's locker room to check on some technical issues. Addison changed her path towards the locker rooms, only to hear some alarming news.

It had been about 4 hours since the elevator incident and Addison hadn't heard about it. She was still very chipper and happy and it seemed the world couldn't EVER bring her down. As she walked through the doors, she heard some interns gossiping and decided to eaves drop. Who knows, she could use this information for major blackmail someday.

"Did you hear about the elevator backup this morning? It turns out an intern and an attending were stuck for about 30 minuets!"

"I know! The best part of it was it was McDreamy and Meredith Grey! God, to be stuck with someone like Dr. Sheppard…"

"But they are broken up! The whole hospital knows he picked Addison, and besides, they were stuck. I suppose they were terribly scared in there."

"No, no, no! I talked to the janitorial staff. It turns out they weren't stuck at all!"

"You don't mean-"

"Yep! They pulled the alarm and my guess is they had a PRETTY goof make-up make-out session. I mean, who wouldn't with him!"

"You don't suppose Addison knows?"

"I heard she doesn't have a clue!"

"She is gonna CRASH when she finds out. She was all happy, poor girl."

Addison was in shock. This couldn't be true. It's all just gossip. Gossip. It is not real. NOT REAL! She had to find Derek. She continued through the locker room to find the Chief. Apparently, he just left back for his office. _Here we go again. To the Chief's office to get to the bottom of this!_

When she got there, she saw Derek exit the door. She stopped him before he could get away. "Honey!" she yelled. "Derek, um, I have a question. I don't believe it yet, but I heard you and Meredith were trapped in elevator 3. is that right?" "Yes, Addy, it is, but I'm fine now, so don't worry." He had a bitter tone, and just as he turned to leave, Addison grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Ok, but, I heard that you were stuck by choice, and that you, uh, kissed, very passionately. That's crazy, isn't it!" Derek looked into Addison's eyes with sorrow. He quickly diverted his eyes to the ground to hide the shame. "Addy-I….I…-sorry." He rushed away leaving a broken Addison behind.

Sometimes the worst Gossip can turn out to be the horrible truth…..

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I got the chapter up… hope you liked it…. Not much of a cliffhanger this time… but pretty dramatic!


	6. Breaking it off yet?

Been gone…. But now I have FINALLY an update ready for you guys…. This probably is your New Years Gift… YAY!

We left off with Addison finding out about Meredith and Derek's rendezvous in the elevator (HOT HOT HOT!)

Addison was crushed. She knew Derek still loved her, but she thought that after their night in his trailer that he would consider taking her back 100. _How could I be SO stupid!_. Addison walked into the attending locker room to get changed. She didn't know where she would go after work. It's not like she could just SHOW up to the trailer and pretend it was all happy go lucky again. She could check into the Ramada down the road… easy access to the hospital, but far away from Derek's plot of land.

As she opened her locker, a box and a note fell out. Addison picked up the letter. It read:

_Dear Addy,_

_It's me. Derek. I know it must've hurt you to find out… especially from gossip and not directly from me. I would be lying If I said I was going to tell you. (I am just trying to be honest with you, so please keep reading!). I was thinking, If you still wanted to talk about it, we could go to dinner tonight. There is a great restaurant by the water with a fantastic view. I saw the boards and we are both off completely tonight-so there's no worry we'll be called back to the hospital. Please come, we have to talk. Meet me in the lobby after you get off. I can't keep running, Addi._

_Love, _

_Derek_

Addison took in those last words. _ Love Love Love!_ _He said love! There's a chance!_ Addison quickly got dressed. Before leaving the locker rooms, she checked her hair in the mirror. _Perfect….almost._ Since she wanted to hurry down to the lobby, she opted to take the stairs. She nearly dashed down the stairwell. _It's like I am an intern all over again!_ At the bottom of the steps, she took a chance to take a breath and very coolly walked out the doors to find Derek in the chair, waiting for her.

"You look great, Addison," Derek said as he took her hand and hurried her out of the hospital. He didn't want Meredith to see them going somewhere together. He didn't want her to get the wrong impression. _I guess I should've told her I was going to talk with Addison, but too late now. _When they got to the car, he sighed. He snuck out, and Meredith didn't see them. He was safe.

Little did he know, Meredith saw it all. She was on the landing, and she wanted to go say hi to him. She thought he was waiting for her. He wasn't. Meredith rushed to her car to drive home.

"Hey Mer!" George yelled as he watched his lover cross past him into the kitchen. She was pissed! Izzie saw her too, and when she tried to talk to her, all Meredith did was turn around, give her a smug look, then turn back around. George and Izzie watched as she tore apart the kitchen, stuffing her face with any and every junk food product she could find. She was a mess-again! George and Izzie gave each other What-did-Mcdreamy-do-this-time looks as they saw her wallow in self-pity.

"We have to stop her, George," Izzie exclaimed. "She is going to stuff her face silly, possibly taking her little self down to Joe's, come back and throw up like there's no tomorrow! I thought she and Mcdreamy were fine, but maybe not! We have to sit her down and asks what's wrong!"

"Izzie, I want to know just as much as you what is wrong, but we have to be gentle. You know how sensitive she is about the HIM subject. Let's stay calm." They walked into the living room only to find a note on the couch in front of the tv she left running.

_Dear Roomies,_

_For you INFORMATION! I saw Derek walking off with his WIFE back at the hospital! I'm off to Joe's and I'll be back whenever. _

_Bye,_

_The Loneliest heart who just realized the world is SCREWING HER!_

"She sounds pissed," said George. Izzie gave him a quick glance. "Grab your coat George!" Izzie yelled as she grabbed the car keys. "We're going to Joe's!"

(------)

"So Addison.." Derek started. He didn't know what to tell her. She looked happy. She thought he was taking her back for good. He wasn't. He couldn't live without Meredith. He could however live without Addison and her upscale taste in homes. "I invited you here to tell you that I- I'm so sorry that I.."

"You don't have to tell me Derek," Addison interrupted. Derek was in shock. _This might be easier than I thought _ Derek thought. "Listen Derek, I understand why you kissed Meredith. You had to. It was like a last hoo-rah!-type of thing. I understand! Now we can officially begin our life together-no strings attached." She obviously thought she had everything figured out. But she was so happy! Derek couldn't-but he had too-maybe not tonight-NO! Meredith will freak if I don't cut it off yet-but I CAN"T!

"...Addison…." Derek said, "I-I wanted to tell you that…." " Hi, I'm Anne and I'll be your waitress tonight. The specials are…"

And just like that he was cut off. He didn't tell her why she and him were REALLY out to dinner. He couldn't bear it. But how would he tell Mer. Oh how he loved Meredith. He didn't want her to feel abandoned-not again.

But Meredith was not feeling abandoned. George and Izzie met up with her at the bar and got her home. She was feeling sick to her stomach. In between vomiting, she cried, "WHY DID HE LEAVE ME AGAIN! AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!", and other variations of the phrase. George and Izzie tried to comfort her. They hugged her. They tried to bribe her with cake, but that only made her vomit even more. She was sick. Not just from the mixture of food and alcohol, but of the sickness of love. All the ups and downs and now this. The lowest of the low. How is hse going to deal with him tomorrow- let alone deal with the rest of her life?

It's LONG! Happy New Year!


	7. Meant to be

Woo hoo! I got chapter 7 up. This may be the last chapter for a while now folks, so read and review! Thanks to all of you who have been regular readers!

The next day at the hospital was rough on everyone-except Addison, of course! She had just had dinner with her husband and in her mind, everything was right between them.

Derek was angry that he didn't have the courage to break it off with Addison. He loved Meredith. So why on earth couldn't he just blow off his wife? To make matters worse, Meredith was ignoring him and he didn't know why!

Meredith was pissed off at Derek. He kept on trying to talk to him as if NOTHING was wrong. _What a jackass! _She thought every time he came to talk to her. Plus, George and Izzie were on her case all day about Mcdreamy. "We want details!" they discreetly yelled to her. But she didn't want to talk about the jerk who once again blew her off for his fabulous and gorgeous wife. Meredith thought maybe he had changed. Maybe he was willing to start over with her. _I guess not!_

Dr. Bailey had assigned every one their jobs for the day except for Meredith. She called her over for a private conversation. "Meredith," She said, " I know the latest gossip. I am not out of the loop in this hospital. I am a better sponge than O'Malley. Trust me, I know. I thought you were over that stage. I was wrong. Break it off with Dr. Shepherd immediately before it gets way out of hand. Do I MAKE myself clear, Grey?"

Meredith wanted to say that she was over him. But she knew she wasn't. " Dr. Bailey, with all do respect, my personal life shouldn't be your worries. I can handle myself an-"

"I am not doubting that, Meredith," Dr, Bailey disrupted. "I know you are a headstrong girl. I also know that you fight for what you want, sometimes in the most interesting ways. You want to be with him and to make it work. It's NOT! Dating an attending is bad enough but during your internship? This is the time, Grey, where you are evaluated by the hospital. While you may get positive results from Mcdreamy-and yes I know you all call him that- that doesn't necessarily mean the whole damn hospital is gonna do the same. You are smart Meredith, but I can't guarantee that's what all of the doctors who are evaluating you are looking at. They WILL judge you based on the fact that you slept with an attending. I am not saying that you have done so already, but you better be sure that iif you do and the news spreads, and mark my words nothing is kept secret here at Seattle Grace, then you WILL be receiving poor marks. That's the facts. I don't make 'em. Now, you have a neuro consult with Derek up in room 203. This time, you better make it up there with no pit stop in the elevators. Are we on the same page?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," Meredith solemnly replied. She decided to avoid the elevators all together and take the stairs. She got to room 203 and saw Derek and Mr. Fretz, the patient. "Hello, Dr. Shepherd" Meredith said. She emphasized the fact that his last name still was Shepherd. Derek could tell by the tone of her voice that it was no time to pull her outside of the room and talk to her about their relationship. It was business time. As they proceeded with the consult, Meredith couldn't stop thinking about what Bailey said. "_you WILL be receiving poor marks_…. _Dating an attending is bad enough but during your internship?" _She took to heart all that the Nazi had told her. Maybe it was bad of her to keep going on with this fling. But it wasn't a fling! She loved Derek. And she thought he did too. Maybe it wasn't meant to be…..

After the consult, Derek couldn't let Meredith just leave without talking to her. As soon as they got out of the room, Derek whisked her off into the on call room and locked the door. He turned on the lights. "Mer, I have to talk to you!"

"Well I don't have to talk to you Dr. Shepherd."

_Oh no! _Derek thought. _She is calling me Dr. Shepherd which normally means she is pissed at me! _ "Meredith, please! Look, I went out to dinner with Addison last night to-"

"I KNOW!" Meredith screamed. "I saw you two love birds walk out the hospital together. It really warms my heart to see two fabulous surgeons who are madly in love married. Just one question. Did you think you could have both of us? You just try to keep it hush-hush and neither one of us will find out that you are dating the two of us? God DEREK! When are you going to chose. It's been 4 months! 4 LONG months. I don't want to wait anymore. Pick soon or I am walking!"

Derek stood in awe at Meredith. She always did know things before someone could tell her beforehand. He admired that in her. What made him sad was that she thought that he still loved Addy. HE didn't! But he couldn't leave her. That pained him the most to know that Meredith felt lonely, even when he was trying to be with her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be….

"Mer, please let me finish, ok? I took her out to dinner to let her know that I was staying with you. I didn't want to tell her just at the hospital. That would break her heart. I know it. I told you before that she was my family. I can't hurt family Meredith. I can't!"

"Then what am I Derek? A STRANGER!" Meredith stormed out of the room. Derek put his head between his legs. He massaged his head with his fingers. He didn't mean it that way. He thought of Meredith as more than family. She was a love to him. He ran after her.

Meredith went to the locker rooms to take a shower. The consult patient had a minor case of vomiting, and guess who he chose to heave on? Just as she stepped into the shower, she heard a door open to the room. "Mer, It's me…" Derek whispered. He stood in the stall next to her. He still has his clothes on, he just didn't want to seem like a pig just staring at her from the other side of the stall. "Meredith you are special to me. You are the first person I have ever been with that cares for me. You always smile when you see me. And even when you're mad at me, I can tell that you and I both know it won't last forever. I love you. And I can't live without you…."

Meredith took in the words he spoke just as she soaked in the water of the shower. She loved him. He loved her. She poked her head over the stall to see Derek looking down with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. He was sorry. She had to forgive him. "I love you more," she replied jokingly. Derek looked up and saw her with the widest smile. She gave him a wink, giving him the signal to come to her stall. They stood in the shower staring into each others eyes. They wanted to stay their forever.

But Derek knew it wasn't over yet. He had forgotten to mention that he didn't break it off with Addison. But he had to now. He made up an excuse after he and Meredith were off duty that he couldn't come over because Addison had requested one last dinner. Meredith was annoyed, but knew he was just trying to give up Addison, so she obliged.

Derek met up with Addison in the on-call room. She was dead asleep, but he turned on the light, shook her, and said "Addison, wake up!". Addison blinked in the light, but noticed it was Derek and quickly got up. "Hey sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, Addison. Me. I can't do this anymore. I love Meredith. I want to be with her. When I am with you, all I see is her in your eyes. Not you. Not like I used to see you. We're done, Addi. I'm sorry. Sign the papers and go back home to the hamptons!"

Derek threw down the manila folder with the papers in it. He stomped out of the hospital and decided to go to Meredith's house. He didn't want to be alone to think about Addison. Meredith heard the knock on her door, and She and Derek, who were exhausted, just slept the entire night.

Addison looked down at the papers. _So this is it._ She grabbed a pen and began her signature. _Add-_ She dropped the pen. Tears streamed down her face. She loved Derek. She couldn't give up. She decided she wouldn't. She stuffed the papers into her purse and went back to her hotel room. She would pretend to have lost the papers. That would buy her at least another 3 weeks to try and win Derek back. The lawyers couldn't possibly get them new papers for 3 weeks. _I have a plan… I can do this!_ She smiled on her way out of the hospital. _I'll make him see he can't live without me. I'll make Grey realize she doesn't want to deal with me. I can make their lives a living hell. It's what I do best. I do what I want for attention. That's why I slept with Mark. That's all it will take. Attention- I'll show 'em that Addison Shepherd is here to stay, no matter what!_

_That's my second New Years gift! Have a happy 2006 tonight!_


	8. He's one in the same

It's been a reallly REALLY long time since my last update and I'm begging for forgiveness! Lol… but I do apologize, life has been busy, so yea…. Here we go

Last chapter ended with Addison deciding to make Mer/Der's life a "living hell" to win Derek back.. plus she "lost" the divorce papers she only half signed

The Next day at the hospital, Derek had a day off and Meredith, who was very envious of her day-off boyfriend, had to go to work at 4 am. She and Izzie took Meredith's car. George began work at 5 am today, so he got extra sleep. When he went down the stairs to get coffee, he saw a familiar figure reading the morning paper.

"morning, O'malley," Derek said, still wearing his boxers from last night. When he had the day off, he didn't take his showers until later in the morning.

George was shocked. He knew Derek would be here, but he didn't think it would be this awkward. "Good Morning Der-Doc-Doctor Shepperd." He had always secretly loved Meredith and just talking with his boss hurt him even more knowing that they were a couple-yet again.

"George?" Derek asked

"Yes?" He replied, careful not to get into the name dilemma again.

"First off, relax! Call me Derek. I practically live here now and I can be treated as "one of the gang" at home without letting it interfere with our professional lives. Second, can you drive my car to work today?"

George was yet again shocked. _Why would Dr. Shep- Derek want me to take his car to work? His expensive sports car. _"Sure," He said, without thinking. "may I ask why?"

"If you need to know, I have to wash it in the car wash, and I was wondering, since you woke up early, if you could get it washed before your shift so I don't have to worry about it. I'll give you the money for it, plus I'll throw in a surgery for you to scrub into!"

At first George was skeptical, but the ability to scrub in caught his attention. He wanted a chance to scrub in whenever he could. So he agreed to it.

_I think I like having a "home" here _Derek thought as he sipped coffee. _They do things for each other. I want to be apart of this. Meredith's life is perfect with this circle of friends. I definitely like it here!_

"Hey Meredith," George said as he walked into the locker rooms, "Guess who's car I drove to work?"

"Come on George," Meredith said annoyed, "It's too early for guessing games…"

"Besides, we all know you took your car," Izzie added.

"It's true Georgie, who else's would you take, or maybe you stole a car!" Alex announced, as he was eaves dropping on the conversation. "I DID NOT!" George defended himself. Alex had only added to the conversation to get Izzie's attention, and, as he assumed, it failed. There was no way in this world that they would have a shot again. Izzie was too mad. Maybe in the future, but not now.

"You guys, please let me at least give you the answer if you won't guess!" George argued. "Dr. Shepherd's car!"

"Whoa George!" Christina said. "You've been screwing Addison all this time?" Christina saw how flustered George got when she said this. She was just kidding, she knew he meant Derek's. But it was SO FUN to make Georgie-Porgie mad.

"FORGET IT OK!" George yelled as he exited the room in a rage. When he left, All three girls stared at eachother and began howling in laughter.

"THAT was fun!" Christina said inbetween giggles. They nodded and got ready for work.

Meanwhile, at Meredith's….

Derek was bored. It wasn't fun being alone in the house. There was nothing on T.v but Oprah (A/N: Now Derek has to watch Oprah like the Chief had to when he was at home with the brain tumor!). He basically just starred at the wall all morning until the door bell rang.

He answered the door… but there was no one there. _Lousy kids _Derek thought _They get a weekend off from school and all they can do is play ding-dong-ditch! _

Then the phone rang. But no answer. _Now they are too scared to make prank phone calls!_

Derek wasn't amused when he heard the door bell ring again, but he figured he'd still check, just in case it was a delivery man giving him the amazon book he ordered. When he got there, he saw a familiar face.

"Addison!"

"hello Derek"

"I thought you'd be halfway across the country by now!"

"Yeah, about that, The thing is, I didn't sign the papers. I refuse to. So you can tell your girlfriend she is still dating a married man. Hm? Wouldn't that be a fun story to tell the kids. _Children, your daddy is married, but I slept with him anyway and now we have you! _Fun fun fun! Look, I'll cut the crap and get to the point. I don't give a damn if you don't love me because honey, I can't live without you and I don't intend on doing so. So, since we are still married, we can continue to work things out until you get to the point where you'd die if you and I were apart. We'll get to that point, Derek, I'm sure of it. We'll get there and you'll be like _Meredith WHO?_ Trust me, we were supposed to be this way. TO love this way."

Addison leaned in to kiss Derek on the lips. Derek pulled back. "No Addison, No! Sign the papers so I can live my life. I love Meredith. I always was in love with her. You and I-we're done. We're as good as over. Get out of my life and leave Me and Mer alone!"

"How sweet. You call her Mer. Remember this, Derek, you called me Addy. You are just using her as a replacement love, but you are doing the same things you did with me! You don't love her, you love the thought of her. She never cheated on you, but it took her 3 months to talk to you again. I talked to you as soon as I got here!"

"And that took 4 months for you to get here. What were you doing back in New York, Addison"

"I was doing my pra-"

"don't say that. Don't you DARE say you were doing your practice. Tell the truth Addison. You were with Mark still. You fell in love with him like I did with Meredith."

"Derek, you don't know me at all, do you! I didn't fall in love with him. I did it to get your attention. Believe me, when you left, he wanted to, but I didn't. At first I did because I knew he would call you and tell you he was _doing _ me, but when I realized that you didn't come home I stopped. And then Dr. Webber called to tell me that you had a girlfriend. He offered me a temporary position- which is now full-time- so I could work it out with you. GIVE US A CHANCE!"

"funny, Addison, how you try to get attention. The real world doesn't work like that. Find a better way for attention with your future relationships, but we're through!"

Derek Slammed the door on her and slunk down. He wanted Meredith to come home….

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meredith was ready to go home when she saw a familiar figure standing in the lobby.

"Mark?" She cried.

A tall, lean, tan guy with Dark hair turned in Meredith's direction. He smiled. "Meredith!" Meredith ran over to give him a hug. Mark Terenew was her high school sweetheart back in her early years in Seattle. It was good to see him here. They caught up for a while when Meredith asked him what brought him to Seattle.

"I'm here to meet a friend I knew when I moved to New York for NYU. He works here at this hospital… maybe you know him… Derek… Derek Sheperd"

Meredith's mouth swung open. She was speechless. Here Mark was His Mark? They were the same person?

_Oh no oh no oh no!_

**what will happen next! Gasp! Will Derek ever find out? How will he feel to know his girlfriend went out with his backstabbing friend? Will this break them up, again?**

**I'll try to update b4 this Saturday, no promises!**


	9. Woes of the cheated

OK… ch 9… b4 Saturday… as planned… it's short… so sorry… but it's meaningful… so ha!

"Oh… Derek Shepherd?" Meredith asked. She wondered if she should tell him that he was her love. He was her everything. He was…. Derek. But no. He was Derek's best friend who slept with Addison, and me being the girlfriend of Derek's ex-friend would be bad. Very bad. Almost unforgivable! Or was it. _Yes _ she thought. "No, I am just an intern and most attendings don't like to talk to _us"_

"oh… WAIT… how do you know he's an attending. You said you didn't know him"

_Damn it! _"Uh… well… you see…. Dr. Bailey, my boss, gave us the run-down on the docs in SGH, just so if we ever met them it wouldn't be awkward… plus we wouldn't embarrass her 'Or more importantly Dr. Bailey!'" Meredith forced a fake laugh. This was more awkward and embarrassing than anything she had ever done before.

"Then how do you remember all these names, Meredith Grey?" He was getting amused by all this. _Was this funny to him. _Meredith thought. _Funny, huh, to see someone squirming to find the right answers! FUNNY!_

"I just…. They are like my text books… I know how to perform a bowel obstruction just as easily as I know the entire surgical unit here at the hospital… it's all medicine to me!" More fake laughing commenced.

"Well, it's been nice seeing you, Meredith, but I really have to go. Meet Derek. I have important news to tell him. That is if he still wants to hear it after what I did…"

"I hope it goes well with the attending. Good luck!"

_phew! He's gone!_

Derek was still at home awaiting for Meredith. First, George came in and told Derek that his car was washed and without a single scratch. You can always trust a sponge to do the right thing!

Next, Izzie came in, sour as usual about the Alex issue. She loved him. He loved her. but he cheated on her. Izzie had to talk to someone. _Who better than someone who'd been through that before?_

"Hey, um, Derek…. Could we talk?"

Derek looked at Izzie strangely. _Do these girls all dig me? _He laughed on the inside, and smiled on the outside. He loved making his own personal jokes, because when he did, he'd always smile, and smiling confuses people (A/N stole that like from a T-Shirt)

"I have a question about something. And sorry if you don't want me to call you Derek, but you're practically family here so…"

"it's ok Iz, if you don't mind me calling you that….. Now what is it?"

"It's just…. How did you feel when Addison cheated on you, and you walked in on it?"

"Like It was the end of the world. Like all the love in the past… and the marriage… the birthdays and holidays…. All of it…. Was not enough. It didn't mean anything anymore. She threw it all out the door. But mostly, I was hurt more than mad. Hurt that I wasn't her knight. That She felt like she had to screw someone else to actually get love that satisfied her. Painful… in one word…. Why do you ask?"

_I might as well tell him, if we are family. _ "Um…. Since you are part of the house I'll tell you…. Alex… my former boyfriend… I saw him in the oncall room with Olivia… kind of.. well you know…. And only you could possibly understand… so I thought I could talk to you….. was I right?"

"Of course! But hey, in my case, we had other issues. Our lives were drifting and she has issues with my family. But in your case, Alex cheated on you-and nothing else. Now cheating isn't just like a "side-dish". It's big, don't get me wrong. But, if he tries to make it up to you, be open. Addison didn't try. Up until a couple months ago, she just forgot me. Try it with Alex again…. Not IT! I mean try to go out with him again. You two have a chemistry, I see it all the time…. Just try Izzie…"

Izzie smiled back at Derek. _He understands me! _Izzie thought. She was beginning to like the idea of having McDreamy around. Then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Izzie yelled.

"Hello, I'm here for Derek…. Does he live here?"

"Yes, he does. Who is this?"

"It's-" He didn't get to finish.

"What are you doing her Mark?" Derek interrupted.

Almost like a cliffhanger…. Told you, short… but I TRIED!

R&R you loyal peeps, you!


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